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  1. pictures for sad children by john campbell book review

    November 29, 2009 by Mathew Ferguson

    weird, sad, surreal, dark and fucking funny.

    do yourself a favour and go to www.picturesforsadchildren.com RIGHT NOW and read the entire collection from the start. Then buy the book to show some love to john campbell.

    i love this webcomic.

    i love this book.

    i love his little stick arm characters with their dots for eyes and strange problems.

    my favourite comic from the collection:

    00000107

    http://picturesforsadchildren.com/index.php?comicID=107

    lower-case weirdness

    200 pages, softcover containing the first 200-ish pictures for sad children comics which runs sans punctuation. this collection has a lot of story comics – ongoing episodes completing an overall story arc mixed with single page stories. and man oh man are they funny. i’ve read through the online archive about six times i think and if i were a richer man i’d be buying some of john’s t-shirts as well.

    beautiful minimalism

    john campbell’s characters have so much character even though they have dots for eyes and no mouths. it’s amazing what excellent writing combined with the placement of two black dots can convey.

    00000164

    http://picturesforsadchildren.com/index.php?comicID=164

    some of john campbell’s other cool stuff

    his blog at livejournal called goodbye, foom (http://stereotypist.livejournal.com/)

    his journal-diary style hourly comic http://www.hourlycomic.com/

    my all-time favourite comic

    it’s not in the collection but you can read it online.

    00000257

    http://picturesforsadchildren.com/index.php?comicID=257 (I would eat this comic if I could)

    how i got pictures for sad children

    ordered it online from john’s shop (signed edition). as soon as the paypal link went up i bought! if i had to choose between eating for two days or this book – the book wins.

    happy (or sad) reading,

    mat

    the knife was fake as was the cut

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  2. The Corporation by Joel Bakan book review – get ready for anger

    May 31, 2009 by Mathew Ferguson

    The Corporation

    We have immortals amongst us. Or at least, people who have a better chance of immortality that you or I because they are not made up of flesh and bone but rather contracts and ideas and legal documents maintained by an ever-changing team of real live humans.

    Meet The Corporation.

    The Corporation has only a sole reason for existence, woven into its very being: to relentlessly pursue without exception its own self-interest, regardless of the harmful consequence it might cause to others.

    Joel Bakan’s central premise is that the legally defined mandate for corporations to pursue profit makes them psychopaths.

    What kind of person would a corporation be?

    The kind of person who acts without regard for safety. The kind of person who can murder and kill with minimal consequence. The kind of person who is immortal and does not have an actual body to be imprisoned.

    Bakan’s case is compelling and as the evidence piles up so does the feeling of intense anger … and then depression, which I suppose is the acknowledgement of problems and our near total inability to do anything about the situation.

    We go to Nike sweatshops and the cold calculations of how many pieces of clothing must be made per minute in buildings surrounded by barbed wire and patrolled by guards. We go to children’s fetes where corporate sponsorship has covered everything with logos. We see over and over again the crimes of corporations and just how little they have been punished.

    This girl has no business here ...

    This girl has no business here ...

    The first chapter detailing the rise of the corporation has a kind of unstoppable inevitability to it. Humans working together started to make devices to help us in our work. One device was the use of legally binding documents to raise money for a certain purpose (like building a bridge). The bridge would be tolled until the money was paid back and this was written into law. The corporation building the bridge only existed for as long as the task did. Once completed, the corporation was dissolved.

    In this chapter we see what has come before and we see the moment it all went bad: a court case where a corporation was declared a natural person who could behave like a real live human.

    The Corporation is an excellent companion piece to Fight Club and covers the same territory: why is society arranged the way it is? If people created everything we have today, why can’t we remake it or uncreate it? Why do we tolerate companies who clearly engage in evil by propping up illegitimate governments or poisoning thousands upon thousands?

    (Oh, and go to page 63 of the soft-cover version of The Corporation and you’ll see the cost-benefit analysis the narrator of Fight Club applies in his job as a recall expert for a car company. The car company in this case is General Motors who asked an engineer in 1973 to analyse fuel-fed fires in General Motors vehicles. The engineer multiplied the five hundred fuel-fed fire fatalities that occurred each year by $200,000 (the estimated legal damages for each potential fatality) and then divided this figure by 41 million (the number of GM vehicles on the road). He calculated that each fatality cost GM $2.40 per car. The cost of ensuring the fuel tanks did not explode in crashes was $8.69 per car. The company could save $6.19 per car if it allowed people to die in fires rather than alter the design of vehicles to avoid fires. So this is what they did.)

    Nor does this one ...

    Nor does this one ...

    No Death Penalty for the Immortal Corporation

    If a person commits a terrible crime such as murder then they may be put to death themselves as punishment (depending on the country the crime is committed in). If not killed, a person can be physically locked up for thirty years and only released when they are old (or they die in jail).

    Why is there no death penalty for corporations? Corporations often are fined for their crimes but while their profits from crime exceed the punishment it is a clear benefit to continue to commit crime. Make $300 million and happen to poison 10,000 people – get fined $4 million. That’s still $296 million in profit!

    The overwhelming anger builds

    The Corporation doesn’t stop with the obvious crimes like sweatshops. We take a grim tour of marketing, privatisation and the unchecked ability of corporations to manipulate governments, alter laws and generally overrule and warp democracy. If you’ve never read about lobbying this is a good book to blow your mind out with (also check out Don’t Eat this Book by Morgan Spurlock, the guy who ate McDonald’s every day for a month in SuperSize Me – he covers food lobbyists getting sugar and fat into schools and everything we eat. Did you know there is a salt lobby? I own this book and will be reviewing in the future.).

    Are all Corporations Evil?

    Consider the beef industry. Cows are raised for their meat which feeds millions of people around the world. This is good in terms of feeding people. People want meat, they deliver meat. All fine (unless you’re PETA or a vegetarian but we’ll get into that some other time) … until some problems are detected with some meat. The quality is a bit down … or there are high levels of antibiotics in the meat. Now, does the beef industry and the corporations therein work to reduce the levels of antibiotics or improve quality? These measures will cost money which will reduce profits. Or do they hire lobbyists who exert power on government to manipulate laws so they can continue to sell contaminated meat? Of course they do! But it doesn’t stop there. Some country in the European Union has high food safety standards and won’t import the beef? Use the lobbying power to influence the government who in turn attempt to make free-trade agreements and strike down the food-safety laws of the other country.

    Some parent group is campaigning against you for pushing high-fat beef products on its children? Lobby lobby lobby!

    Now, the people in the beef industry are probably not evil themselves. They care about people and health but when it comes to crucial decisions they will choose hard profits over soft and hard-to-define and measure human values. As these decisions accumulate, the behaviour of the corporation slides further toward evil and for as long as the beef industry is directed exclusively towards profit without consideration for people, it will behave in an evil manner.

    I admit it is very hard to look at corporations that exist and not see them through the lens of negativity once you’ve read this book. The unchecked greed that we are surrounded with is hard to take.

    The Cure for our Ills

    Bakan finishes with a list of recommendations for change and as corporate scandals hit over and over you can’t help but pull this book out and see which of the changes would have prevented the latest mass destruction idiocy. The recommendations are systemic ones which all make sense … so very much so that you know they won’t be implemented until the near destruction of our entire economic system.

    Accompanying the Corporation is a very excellent documentary covering the various chapters of the book. It is essential watching!

    I’m not linking to a corporation to buy this from. Go to your local bookshop and ask them to order it!

    Happy reading,

    Mat

    does your boyfriend know you have entered into a dark compact?


  3. Robert Frost selected poems book review

    May 29, 2009 by Mathew Ferguson

    Is this the worst front cover of all time?

    Is this the worst front cover of all time?

    Yeah yeah so take the Road Not Taken and Stop by Woods on a Snowy Evening and I guess these two poems must be in every Robert Frost collection by law.

    Imagine Frosty handing over a new collection of poems and the editor flipping through them looking for the next Road Not Taken. Is this poem the next Harry Potter of its time? Perhaps this one about roses. Goddammit I need more rhyming!

    Index of First Lines

    In the back of this collection is an alphabetical arrangement of first lines and it makes one very nice meta-poem. The first few lines:

    A bird half wakened in a lunar noon

    A boy, presuming on his intellect

    A lantern-light from deeper in the barn

    A scent of ripeness from over a wall

    Some nice lines, which I suppose is one of the ways in which poetry is useful to the world. If not useful, perhaps beautiful. Like seeing a mixture of paint colours which the eye finds attractive but mean nothing, many of Frost’s poems are beautiful arrangements of words which also mean nothing.

    This isn't in any of the poems ... I think.

    This isn't in any of the poems ... I think.

    If that’s too deep for you, don’t worry

    Actually, you should worry. Normally I can assure you there is plenty of sex, drugs, burning down houses, mime-punching, catapults or anything to get past the boring stuff but not in this collection. It’s poetry. It could be talking about sex and loading a mime into a catapult but that’s just one interpretation of the line about the snow elf feeling sad.

    How to enjoy the hell out of a poem

    Poems work best if you don’t push too hard into overthinking. Let them be like a painting. Glance, look away. Think. Look back, notice more details. Think some more. Look at some other painting. Come back. Think some more. Repeat.  Come back in six months, look again.

    Sometimes I think poems are lyrics written by musicians who can’t play instruments. If only Frosty had had a guitar we might have had a number one hit: The Road Less Travelled.

    Then Cobain could have covered it before he shot himself.

    Will poetry get you jumped?

    What the hell kinda images do you put with poems?

    What the hell kinda images do you put with poems?

    For guys, writing a few feeble lines is a risk. If you’re on the I was blue, she said boo, let’s go to the zoo level then stick with simply having a volume or two on your bookshelf. If your mad poetry skills are a little more refined then write something that is a bit hot, a bit funny, a bit cheeky and try it out. If it works then you can keep it for the next girl and the next girl and the next …

    For girls … I’ve never seen a girl write poetry to a boy. I’ve never heard about it. I guess most girls don’t need to impress girls with some intellectual romantic side.

    Where I got Robert Frost Selected Poems

    Some second-hand shop for about twenty cents I suppose. You can find almost all his work online which is a good way to read poetry.

    Happy reading,

    Mat

    we perfected our perception


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    Aww ... wubbsy.

    Aww ... wubbsy.


  4. Reunion in Ropes & Other Stories book review, Eric Stanton – Fetish artist extraordinaire

    May 21, 2009 by Mathew Ferguson

    Reunion in Ropes and other stories

    There is nothing artist Eric Stanton loves more than an incredibly sexy woman completely dominating a man. His powerful women slap, kick, punch and wrestle men until they submit (and sometimes cry). All while wearing skimpy see-through lingerie, latex and other not-appropriate-for-dinner-with-the-parents gear.

    It’s bondage art people.

    And it is art of extraordinary colour and movement. An Eric Stanton fight is a real fight, full of swift slaps and punches that you can feel as you read.

    Reunion in Ropes contains four long stories, titled: Whippers All, Bonnie and Clara, Reunion in Ropes and The Dominant Wives.

    Hmm … what do those titles suggest?

    Some stories are presented in standard comic book format – wives spanking their husbands, speech bubbles floating around – and some have a more cut-and-paste sketch design with text at top and images below.

    This book will get someone to jump you

    This is one of those must-pick-up-now-from-your-bookshelf titles. Got a girl over at your place on a date? Let her idly peruse your bookshelf and discover it sitting side-by-side with some cool photography books. It’s not porn, it’s art … which people happen to read and get a bit hot and bothered about.

    Got a guy over at your house on a date? Even better! After he reads it then you can slap him and drag him to your room.

    Eric Stanton Bonnie & ClaraThere are certain books which serve two purposes. Firstly, they are simply cool. Beautiful art or an amazing story or a great front cover or whatever. Secondly, they introduce ideas or nudge people away from standard life towards a little bit of craziness.

    What is so very cool about this book and Eric Stanton’s art is that it captures part of the sexual behaviours and games people play. What girl hasn’t grabbed her boy’s hands and pushed them up over his head, holding him down?

    Although Stanton’s art goes further than most people do in their little games, it is still very enjoyable to read and the storytelling is on par with the art.

    How I got Reunion in Ropes & Other Stories by Eric Stanton: From none other than the most awesome provider of the freakiest underground books, magazines, films, comix and zines, Polyester Books! Located at 330 Brunswick Street, Fitzroy, Melbourne.

    EricStantonBonnieClaraEric Stanton produced a massive body of work, some of which the very cool people at Taschen Publishing have reissued as part of their Icons series. A quick googlerama will also find you big chunks of his work out there on the connecto-webs (turn off filtering in preferences).

    Buy it from Amazon if you’re shy about face-to-face contact or head down to your local strange bookshop (not those adult shops. Although I suppose they could have them. Just don’t go anywhere the floor is sticky).

    Happy reading,

    Mat

    we need a honey intervention for winnie the pooh

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  5. Who can save us now? Brand-new superheroes and their amazing (short) stories book review, edited by Owen King and John McNally

    May 18, 2009 by Mathew Ferguson

    Who can save us now book review

    I’m a sucker for superheroes and as for the dark side of super-powers and origin tales — mmm, tasty. Who Can Save us Now? delivers a whole lot of awesome wrapped up in one book. Featuring 22 short stories from some very talented writers and some very cool illustrations, this book is a pleasure to read.

    The short stories are so strong precisely because they are short stories. Let’s face it – any long contemplation of superheroes and superpowers soon begins to produce questions which threaten to wash the whole suspension of disbelief right away – how does Superman shave? Isn’t Batman being a big crybaby by not learning to deal with his parents’ murder? How come the Hulk’s pants never rip off? In the age of GPS and CCTV can we believe no one has figured out where Batman lives? Hmm … he always comes from the south end of the city …

    Who Can Save Us Now hands us small delicious morsels, each unique and strange and I guarantee after each story you’ll be sitting there thinking about what ifs and making up your own superpowers.

    The Stories

    We meet the support group for superheroes with useless powers in David Yoo’s The Somewhat Super. A guy who never has to go to the toilet as a superpower!

    Roe #5 by Richard Dooling is dark and unnerving in its glimpse of a superhero made by man (and probably something coming up once we get that genetic engineering business sorted).

    Some stories, like The Rememberer by J. Robert Lennon and Bad Karma Girl Wins at Bingo by Kelly Braffet edge into familiar I-can-almost-guess-what-the-story-is-about-from-the-title-and-I’m-pretty-much-right territory. They’re still enjoyable but in the sense of the least-best in a superb collection.

    The story I liked the least was The Meerkat by one of the editors – Owen King (son of horror novelist Stephen King). I think Owen King’s talent may lie in putting together story collections, rather than writing stories.

    supergirlI loved Girl Reporter by Stephanie Harrell – a sort of alternate Superman and Lois Lane tale told from Lois’ viewpoint (clearly it is them, without a name ever being mentioned).

    A sample:

    One night I said to him, “I want to fuck in a sweaty boxing gym.”

    There’s nothing like the smell of iron and decades of male sweat to make a gal wet for a pounding. So he took me to Silverado’s Gym after hours, in one of the warehouses down by the docks. We broke into the weight room. I stripped and lay myself out on the blue vinyl mat. I could see my reflection in the mirrored wall, amidst row of barbells and weight machines. I was pliant and powerful.

    “All right, stud. Ditch the suit.”

    He started to tug at his boots.

    “First the cape,” I said.

    How I got Who Can Save us Now? Brand-new Superheroes and their Amazing (short) stories: A Borders bookshop in Kuala Lumpur near the end of August 2008 (cost $62.90 ringitt). One of the shopping days on overseas holiday and I was dying for something to read. It leapt off the shelf, stomped through my mind and left me wishing the standard superheroes we know today were more nuanced.

    The upcoming Watchmen movie (based on the graphic novel), Heroes, the movie Unbreakable, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, Iron Man and this book all form part of the post-Superhero movement which is a reaction to the Superman-style stories of the past. No one accepts that Superman or superheroes are all amazing all the time.

    Ok, I haven’t delved too deeply into the selection of stories in this book because they are short stories and discussing them is very close to telling them.  It is a great collection that is much deeper, richer, funnier, scarier and awesome than the title suggests.

    Buy Who Can Save us Now from Amazon or hit up the library (although our libraries here rarely seem to get good short stories collections in).

    Gay Superman?I tried to find some cool Superheroes links but then came across some big stupid story about Stan Lee creating “the World’s first GAY superhero”.  Really, he’s about to make the World’s first gay superhero?

    Happy reading,

    Mat

    put your ear to the mown grass and you will hear sobbing

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  6. The Vampire Diaries by L.J. Smith – Shadow Souls Trailer

    April 18, 2009 by Mathew Ferguson


  7. The Book of Skulls by Robert Silverberg book review

    April 4, 2009 by Mathew Ferguson

    bookofskulls

    Four American college students (Eli, Ned, Timothy, Oliver) travel deep into the harsh desert of Arizona to undergo the trials presented by the Keepers of the Skulls. If they succeed then eternal life is theirs.

    Of course, such a gift comes with a steep price: two of the four must be sacrificed … one by murder, one by suicide …

    Ah … brilliant.

    When Eli, a young Jewish scholar with a gift for languages, discovers an ancient manuscript (the Book of Skulls) hinting at the secret of everlasting life, he is soon enamoured with the idea of finding the immortals described within. He connects a strange compound in the Arizona desert with the cult and convinces three friends to set off on a road trip to find them.

    Ned, the flaming homosexual, goes along because it is all a big joke. Timothy, the rich kid travels because he is interested in adventure – and what is more interesting than travelling with a Jew, a Queer and a Farm Boy? Oliver, the farm boy pulling himself up the cultural ladder travels because he wants to believe immortality can be his.

    What starts as a bit of a joke, a harmless college student trip of drugs, fucking and hedonism on the way from New England to a desert compound in Arizona soon turns serious. The building adorned with skulls is actually there. The monks living within appear to be ageless. They will accept the four as a group willing to undergo the various trials on the path to immortality.

    The manuscript was true.

    Perhaps.

    The monks within the compound give them a warning: they apply as a unit of four. Until the trial is complete, none may leave or the lives of the others will be forfeit.

    Hey sure, that sounds ok. After all, it kind of a big joke anyway right?

    The writing style

    The text switches effortlessly between four first-person narratives, each chapter headed simply with the character’s name, picking up the thread of the story and pulling us along. The inner monologues spin out eloquent dissertations mixed with base thoughts about fucking and racial and social stereotypes.

    Each boy represents on the surface one prime driving force. Eli is Jewish. Ned, a homosexual. Timothy, the rich kid. Oliver, the sporty jock farm boy. As we travel with them, this rather basic setup is transformed as we are privy to their inner thoughts.

    desertQuestions explored

    Here is a familiar mythos: You can travel to a remote location to learn mysteries from monks carrying on the legacy of an ancient society. If you exercise in a certain way, eat in a certain way, meditate in a certain way you may enter into these hidden mysteries and be transformed.

    This is why we have monks up in caves and other various holy men at a distance from society: distance is mystery. Lack of access is mystery. Quiet and non-explanation is mystery. All these mysteries must mean they have knowledge of a giant mystery!

    The characters consider this point at various times: how do you know whether these monks are full of shit or not? To claim incredible knowledge is how religions seek to establish dominion and control over people unwilling to undertake the harsh rituals to attain this incredible knowledge.

    The monks, fraters, reveal information throughout the long days and weeks of the trial. Hints of ancient societies and an eternal cult from the beginnings of time. Various mythologies are woven together and through each character we pick up pieces of the whole story.

    If this sounds a little too deep …

    Sophie Monk is not a monk

    Sophie Monk is not a monk

    There is plenty of sex. PLENTY OF SEX. Hot girls out in the world and at the compound with the monks. Ok? So don’t worry.

    A psychological mindfuck

    Although this story appears on the surface to be about the pursuit of eternal life and the cost of such a pursuit, it is also a close examination of human behaviour within set rules. The monks have set the rules and Eli, Ned, Timothy and Oliver decide for a time to play within those rules. Sure, one of the rules is that one person must kill himself and another must be killed but that can be put out of mind for a while. In this way, the death of two of the boys is put into comparison with our own eventual deaths. If you were to think about it all the time then you’d be paralysed. If you don’t think about it at all then you risk death by not being aware of it.

    If you read the book thinking about cult indoctrination then it is a simply terrifying piece of work. It starts off harmless – a few exercises, a bit of meditation – but then slowly slides away from playtime towards murder and death. The rituals soon become habits and then take on deeper meaning, although they deserve none. The people involved in the rituals believe they achieve something which then pulls them further along.

    That’s a key word there: believe. Through the rituals and instruction, the four characters start to believe to various degrees that they really can attain eternal life and that the cost of two lives is correct. As their belief in the promise offered by the fraters increases so does the tension between them. One must be murdered. One must commit suicide. They are stuck in a compound and know that two of them will die.

    On the front cover it proclaims itself as a thriller fantasy but I think that was only because Robert Silverberg is most well-known for writing science-fiction and fantasy and this book really is neither. Sure, the elements of eternal life are a little fantastical but the realness of the world makes it believable.

    I’ve read the Book of Skulls multiple times over my life (I think the first time was when I was sixteen) and read it probably every two years or so now. It’s an amazing story with an underlying tension that doesn’t let up. The moment you discover that two must die so two may live … mmmm tension.

    How I got The Book of Skulls

    No idea. It has $4 written in pencil on the first page so some second-hand shop I suppose.

    It’s still in print and there are copies floating around second-hand bookshops (perhaps for $4).

    Happy reading,

    Mat

    our diabolical machines fell in love

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  8. Fight Club book review – the only Chuck Palahniuk book you’ll ever need.

    March 19, 2009 by Mathew Ferguson

    fightclub

    Fight Club is one of the incredibly few book-to-movie adaptations where both are awesome, yet still significantly different in plot. Their endings are different (in a big way). Events are different. However, you can watch the movie and read the book and easily like both. There is none of that … oh but they changed it!

    For those who seen the movie, the book contains the same unknown narrator speaking the sentences which were lifted verbatim and transposed into Ed Norton’s voice. I am Joe’s Prostate. I am Joe’s Complete Lack of Surprise. Short statements are peppered throughout Fight Club and as you read, they pile up in your mind, slowly pushing on the barriers society and yourself have built up.

    Crazy thoughts slip in.  Why am I going to work at this dead-end job? Did our hunter-gather ancestors think we’d end up like this? Why not break society down?

    In short, Fight Club will mess with your mind.

    Fight Club is a perfect miracle of author and topic.

    Fight Club is violent and mocking and honest.

    Fight Club is dark and twisted and … right.

    I am Joe’s Envy.

    It is precisely because it is so right and so accurate in hitting its targets (mindless consumerism, the sublimation of violent urges, the transformation of men into pale imitations of their fathers, etc) that it is truly a great book. The fundamental assumptions of society are held up and found to be hollow and see-through and once we begin to accept Tyler Durden’s ideas we can’t help but be pulled even further into the story.

    fight-clubWhat Fight Club is about

    The unknown narrator of Fight Club hates his life, hates his job as a product recall specialist for a car company, hates the consumerist nesting instinct that has saturated through his life and expresses the sentiments many in our modern world do:

    You buy furniture. You tell yourself this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple of years you’re satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you’ve got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug.

    Then you’re trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you.

    His life changes when he meets Tyler Durden, a charismatic madman who lives an anti-consumerist lifestyle, opposes capitalism, the social structure and pop culture. Together they form an underground fight club as a method of extreme therapy and other men begin to join them. Fight Club spreads and Tyler begins to use it to encourage acts of rebellion and destruction across the country. Eventually this grows into Project Mayhem – focussing on nothing less than the destruction of society itself.

    Why guys love Fight Club

    I admit I (and other men around the world if you look up Fight Club) find the idea of fighting and destruction attractive. Who hasn’t smashed something and been happy about it? When a fire is burning we throw wood in to keep it going but a lot of it is the desire to see something burn. Fight Club really captures the very male desire for destruction and chaos and shows a storyworld where, yes you can escape from your asshole of a boss, yes you can destroy a credit card company, and yes you can free yourself from all your possessions and be strong and independent again.

    If you love Fight Club buy none other of Chuck Palahniuk’s books

    After I read it, I was desperate to read his other books (Lullaby, Invisible Monsters, Survivor, Haunted, Choke, Diary, Stranger than Fiction, Rant, Snuff) and went out and bought Choke, Diary, Invisible Monsters and Stranger than Fiction all in the one go.

    What a mistake that was.

    Fight Club is an incredible once-off one hit-wonder. Those other books which I struggled to get through (I don’t think I finished any of them because they bored me) play in the same area as Fight Club but are pale and washed out in comparison. I actually gave most them of away (except for Stranger than Fiction, so that will come up in the future review).

    How I got Fight Club: Melbourne central Myer bookshop, before the movie came out.

    Chuck Palahniuk’s website

    Buy Fight Club from Amazon, or buy the Fight Club DVD if you don’t feel like reading. Of course, if you don’t feel like reading, what the hell are you doing here?

    Happy reading,

    Mat

    your pause before answering was your answer

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  9. Ninja Mind Control by Ashida Kim book review – a comedy tour de force!

    March 18, 2009 by Mathew Ferguson

    Ninja Mind Control by Ashida KimWant to learn how to read minds, develop psychokinetic abilities (use the force Luke!), almost speak with animals, heal injuries, put yourself in suspended animation, build a mental barrier, master time and space, attain true invisibility, ultimate bliss AND learn how to rip some guy’s balls off in a move called “Monkey Steals the Peach” –> LOOK NO FURTHER!

    Application of Monkey Steals the Peach

    Whip the arms as described and strike the enemy’s groin with the open palm, fingers bent at the first joint in a Monkey Paw or Tiger Claw fist. The impact will lift the enemy off the ground. Those skilled in chi kung can direct energy up the Chueng Mo channel of the body and stop the heart. Followers of the Iron Hand styles immediately clench their fists tightly, with a crushing grip, and jerk the hand sharply back to the near hip, effectively ripping away the genitals. Massive blood loss causes death.

    Boy oh boy. Love a book with the phrase “effectively ripping away the genitals”.

    Ninja Mind Control is a filled with 1980s-style black and white photos showing a ninja pulling a variety of moves on a guy who, I swear, is wearing denim jeans with with his karate outfit. Was he some hobo they pulled off the street for the photo-shoot? I wonder where he is today. Perhaps running a small muffin bar or maybe shouting at mailboxes and doing karate outside a local McDonald’s.

    The ninja caresses the peaches firstWant some power?

    Kuji-Kiri are the nine levels of power, or more correctly, nine interlacing finger positions which will enable you to be invisible, control time and space and all the rest of it.  Wow, I just have to lace my fingers in some way and I’ll be able to read minds? Get me this book right now.

    This crazy mixture of breathing exercises, ways to use hypnosis in combat, principles of “Ninja Magic” and denim-jeans karate guy comes across as terribly earnest. Someone, somewhere, believes the utter bullshit that is this book.

    A Comedy Tour De Force

    As a comedy masterpiece with a kickass cover that you can keep on your bookshelf and use as a conversation piece it is simply brilliant. Put it facing out and people can’t help but pick it up. Ashida Kim is perhaps one of the unrecognised comedic geniuses of our time. This pseudonym protected author writes about ninja techniques with an absolutely straight face, much like Max Brooks and his Zombie Survival Guide (I own this and will be reviewing it in the future), knowing that in always maintaining his facade of deadly ninja seriousness he is part of a most brilliant and hilarious joke.

    Buy Ninja Mind Control from Amazon, or you could check out Dojo Press, apparently Ashida Kim’s publisher of choice.  In looking for the front cover so I didn’t have to scan it, I also found a PDF version for download here.

    For more hilarity from Ashida Kim, check out his website (in particular his $10,000 challenge. Spies are apparently after the guy).

    How I got this book: I think from an esoteric bookshop that used to be in Swanson Street, Melbourne. The cover is all shiny and new so I don’t think it came from a second-hand shop. I’m pretty sure I bought it simply for the front cover and title and didn’t realise at the time I was buying a masterpiece of comedy.

    sidenote: I read some reviews out in the world (check out the Amazon ones in particular) reviewing this book like it was an actual book on ninja mind control. How Ashida Kim must be laughing it up that people have taken his work seriously. He truly is the Andy Kaufman of the ninja world.

    For more Ninja fun check out Dr McNinja (a doctor who is also a ninja) and White Ninja comics.

    Happy reading,

    Mat

    the trojan guinea pig – the lesser known of the trojan wooden animal army

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